E Speak - Free to Disease You and Me

Earlier this week there was some unseasonably warm weather and my awesome parents took me to the playground to enjoy some stupendous recreational activities such as slides, swings and a dinosaur. Unfortunately, some not so awesome parents had brought their children there as well. How do I know this?

Well, as I was elegantly making my way up the steps on the equipment, as a lady does, I could hear some creature breathing behind me and trying to move the pace along by tailgating me up the steps. Dada tells me the best thing to do when a driver attempts to move you along by shear will and proximity of their automobile is to vary your speed randomly and to wish for a trunk-mounted nail gun. Since, I can't drive yet I can only take moments to glance at passing objects of interest as I move up the steps. But in this instance I felt this method was not the best way to proceed as the creature behind me sounded part-warthog, so I took a peak.

"HOLY SNOT WARTMAN!" This creature had two moist, runny, yet partly crusty, visible-from-space snot tributaries cascading down his face.

"CALL THE MEDIC!" Oh wait, there appears to be a parent or relative who can assist in de-snoting this poor soul.

"Where you at Boogie?" (Actual quote from what I believe was his uncle.) "OK."

What? You are aware of this issue and you choose to leave it as is. He is right there. Can't you hear him? He breathes like a motorboat. And this has been going on for a while as I have mentioned the crusty portions already.

So the logic goes, my child can't go to school/daycare due to the possibility of infecting other children, that is unfortunate for him, what would be the next best way for him to possibly infect the greatest number of other children. WAIT, I've got it! Let's take him to another public place with lots of shared equipment and objects. Logic, one of the greatest failings of the human race.

Luckily Dada always stuffs a Wet Ones in my plumber's crack for emergencies.

Freshly Sanitized,
E