Singing the Poos

When it comes to entertaining, I'm am a triple-threat. I can't sing, dance or act, but I will threaten to. The E-Poops does not take a nap easily. Minimally, it takes some hands-on singing as she lies in her crib. Once, maybe twice a week for the last month, while "trying" to begin her nap she has pooped. I believe this is a temporary "get out of nap" card she knows she can play. But, maybe it is the soothing sound of my voice. So, relaxing that even her bowels loosen. I would like to believe this, but since pooping still requires the "Poop Face." I doubt it.

Go into your bathroom, drop your pants and undies, stand backwards in front of the mirror, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as possible and hold, lower your head to a horizontal plane and look at your butt. Now try and put your butt crack on your face. Not like a contortionist, but simply the taught, linear and strained appearance. Close the upper half of your eyes and make them water a little, and then hold your breathe until you turn a couple shades redder. That should put you in the ballpark of the Poop Face.

As critical as Simon is on American Idol, to my knowledge no contestant has been told, "It caused my bowels to move." And I guess that's why they call it the Poos.

So, here is my latest bad business idea. I will record an album and market it to hospitals as a post-operative bowel mover. I have one satisfied customer already.