Character Introduction

Christa, my wife to be profiled soon, has recommended that I introduce myself on the chance a new and unknown reader stumbles upon this blog. So, here we go.

Physical: Slightly over six feet tall (by maybe an inch).

One day in peaceful Brown County, Indiana, I went to the BMV (Bureau of Motor Vehicles) to renew my license. At the time of renewal, my old license stated my height as 5' 11". The exquisitely-gifted and talented government employee asked if anything had changed within my personal information. I gave her my new address and stated that I had also grown an inch. She spent the next 10 minutes getting frustrated with her computer.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"It won't update your height."

"That's odd. I wonder why not?"

"I don't know. It's saying 5' 12" is not valid."

"You could try 6' 0"."

"Well, now that worked. That was strange."

"Yes, indeed."

Honestly, I would have enjoyed being five foot twelve, even four foot twenty-four. There was no reaction at all that led me to believe she considered 5' 12" a non-legitimate height. It was one inch taller than 5' 11". Does anyone ever turn 17 years and 12 months?

Anyway, I have at least 99% of my original head hair at this point. There is additional hair that has shown up over the years that will require an additional post to cover. Blue eyes and pale flesh, like a Welsh accountant.

Intellectual accomplishments:
2nd place in the 3rd grade spelling bee at Ellettsville (Indiana) Elementary. This would be in the 1982-83 school year, just after Small City Spelling Magazine named Ellettsville a hotbed of young spelling talent. Sadly, my final opponent and I each misspelled "barrel" twice in the dramatic showdown. I believe we tried a, i, o, and u for the second vowel to no avail. Of course, the event was hosted in a southern Indiana accent, so it might not be completely our fault.

I do prepare Christa and I's taxes with TurboTax, whose ease of use and guaranteed accurate tabulations would make it an excellent sponsor for this blog as we have not been audited to date. And hopefully TurboTax will keep it that way.

I am also a contributing inventor on a patented near-infrared flame detection algorithm. If you are a pale, five foot twelve, silver medalist speller; you get chicks. But add to it a near-infrared flame detection algorithm patent and you need to take a bug zapper and a cattle prod out in public to hold the swarm at bay. I will have to find and add the link to it because it is a page-tuner.

Foods (i.e. all legitimate sponsors):
Peanut Butter M&M's - I can eat a medium bag in one sitting. My internal systems later protest, but my mouth says "If you stop, the flavor will never come back."

Dr. Pepper, Triscuits, Papa John's Pizza, Milk (Yes, I drink it at dinner all the time. It's the wine of the bovine.)

Ice Cream - I worked at Bresler's at the College Mall in Bloomington, IN during high school. We received one ice cream treat per shift. The store philosophy was that employees would get tired of ice cream and not always partake, opting for the pennies-a-cup soda instead. Wrong. I could handle upwards of 6-7 scoops per 4-hour shift commandeering my co-workers treats in the process. At a macro level the treat policy might work, but I was eating time and a half when I was on the clock. I have developed some restraint, because even though I view a pint as more of a pudding cup, Christa thinks it is good to share.

That is all I have time for today. I have merely scratched the surface, so I will have to add more in coming posts.