Not so Golden Anniversary

Months are meaningless. No one cares. They are all unbalanced. Where is the metric system when we really need it?

Three days ago, Christa and I celebrated our Golden Month Anniversary, but no one called, no one sent gifts, I wasn't given the day off. We have been married 50 months and we didn't even get a gold credit card offer in the mail. I have waited three days to see, if maybe, someone would offer up a belated something, even a golden chicken nugget would qualify as the "idea that counts." Sadly, we are just a part of some meaningless statistics on the longevity of marriage.

We are heading into the reflective months of our marriage, where we look back fondly and relive the joy. What I remember most is how our wedding meant wedding planning was now over. You can read my thoughts on that process by following the link on the right. It's awesome!

Other things that are golden but not really that great:

Golden Arches: I acknowledge their consistency in sandwich assembly, but really, outside of pushing the excesses of the night before out of your system, there isn't a lot of greatness here.

Golden Domestic Beers: The American macro-brew had its heyday just before my birth, it may have even helped conceive me, then in some bizarre coincidence it all went downhill. Maybe the economic downturn forced them to ferment in garden hoses. It reminds of when the cat yawns in my face, surprisingly foul.

Golden Showers: Dark golden especially. Generally I find that the less hydrated I am, the longer it resides internally and the more golden the hue. So, the darker the shower the more unsavory the health of the owner of the plumbing. I don't even want to consider other colors or clarity issues.

So I guess a Golden Month Anniversary that no one noticed is better than a Golden Shower that everyone witnessed. I would even prefer a Quarter Pounder and a Miller High Life to a shower of gold. And thankfully those are the only two afore-mentioned golden items that can be ordered at a drive-thru.

Besides, the staffing needs alone of a drive-thru golden shower establishment would be almost cost-prohibitive. How would you classify a medium? Could you charge in advance? Where do you put the warning labels? I promised you money losing business ideas and this is certainly one of them. I don't think I could give away Sprinklers "Golden Showers on the Go" franchises.

To my wife, my one registered follower, it has been a wonderful 50 months and 3 days. You knew when you married me tangential and unsavory paragraphs were a part of the package, but you said "Yes" and I am holding you to it. I love you very much and am not seeing a lot of sponsorship offers just yet. I can only guess as to why.