SAG Awards

This is Hollywood getting together to give awards to itself. Not unlike Wall Street trading to itself to increase returns and bonuses. I would like to give awards to myself because if you don't award yourself, who will do it? Here are some of the awards I was able to win last week.

Perfect phone dialing for the week.
Exceptional scrambled egg preparation for a Tuesday.
Best use of technology for a non-productive endeavor.
Achievement of recommended hydration level on Thursday.
Best adaptation of a Christmas carol for a bedtime song.

I could go on. But I don't want to seem cocky. Some awards such as Best Production and Consumption of Loose Meat Sandwiches have already been retired, it might as well be a tattoo on my arm.

My brother's wife's brother and his wife just had a baby. (Congrats Ken and Jessica!) I don't think I am actually related to him. Since what is that? Second uncle-in-law? Something else once-removed? And what is once-removed, some kind of rash? "We removed the uncle once, but he came back. We are going with a prescription ointment this time." If you remove him once, why not keep him away? Just call me "strange guy at large family gatherings." Don't accept candy. No van rides. Now I see why uncles are removed. Maybe it just tracks the number of times they are asked to leave family gatherings.