Currently, we are experiencing our first significant case of diaper rash. We think this may be a part of the aftermath of the ear infection antibiotic. I didn't take a picture of it (the rash) but it is adding a little topography to the normally smooth surface of the E moon. I personally would not want it and certainly not there. We were using Boudreax's Butt Paste, a honey mustard looking formula, but it did not have the power we needed, so we upped the ante and went to Desitin. It goes on think and white, equal parts zinc oxide, Colgate and ranch dressing. That is not the actual secret formula just my attempt to describe the touch and feel. We apply it at each changing and are seeing good progress as we enter the fourth full day using it. Why is this information important?
Well, I was born in the mid-70's, what seems like a while ago and apparently light years ago in terms of infant care. It seems I too had a diaper rash post ear infection, according to my Mom. Who was a good Mom and raised a mostly-balanced individual. But did she soothe my burning buttocks with a creamy salve? No in fact she did not. She told Christa that she laid me down buck-naked, gave me a book to read and proceeded to stick an illuminated light bulb into the crack where the sun is not supposed to shine. She torched away my dirty porthole's ailment with the help of Sylvania and the electric company. And the doctor told her to do it! Was medicine that antiquated just 30-odd years ago? I don't recall leeches either, but I may have blocked that out.
What do you get someone for Mother's Day that says "Thanks for lighting up my ass in order to kill the rash."?
My Mom said, "The bulb was placed near your butt to help dry the rash, not in it."
Posts
Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
1 year ago
5 comments:
Just to clarify, the light bulb was placed approximately 12 inches from the affected area, and Desitin (yes, it was also available in 1976) was also used to soothe the rash. And, yes, the doctor did prescribe this particular form of child abuse.
Love from the perpetrator of all torture you received as a child,
Your Mom
I acquired updated info from Drew's cousin, AM, the mother of three. Modern technology (circa 1990's) has mothers drying baby's diaper rash with a blow dryer--not a lightbulb.
Mom
Well I will have to take your word for what will work, as my daughters never had diaper rash, sounds to me though that you need to put her bottom where the sun DOES shine. Perhaps on a sunny day in Portland you could have her ride nude on her tricycle and protest wearing diapers!
Well mil, as you probably don't know, riding naked on a tricycle in the sun would more than likely foster additional rashing given the sweat producing exertion of pedaling a tricycle, especially up the gentle hills of Portland. Freedom of expression always comes second to the prevention of Bootius Rashius Maxima. Praise be to Jesus and his gang of twelve merry men.
Who said she would be pedaling? I figured you and the Mrs. would be protesting something or other, riding your bikes in the nude and the little one would be hitched up to one of your bikes. Her little behind might be a little behind but a little behind is better than a bigger behind. And you all could break out in song (not rashes) singing, "Shine, Jesus Shine".
MIL
Post a Comment