Designer Jeans

I love my wife dearly and respect her position on "buy quality" in regards to apparel. I agree in a general sense, but she believes there is a direct relationship between the "prestige" of the brand and the quality of the garment. I feel the prestige of the brand reflects somewhat on the actual quality but only tips the scales when everything else is equal and that you have to pay the manufacturer back for their branding efforts at the register regardless of the actual quality of the merchandise. Admittedly, her definition of quality is more fit and mine is more longevity.

Take Nike vs. New Balance. Nike = $$$, fancy, but seams explode in three months. New Balance = $$, not as fancy, last for at least a year.

I emphasize with her since anytime I visit the ladies half of a store my brain fizzles trying to comprehend the multi-dimensional sizing charts. Yes, you have to actually consider the physical dimensions (of which women's lovely curves add complication to), the interaction of time and dimension (when will the item be worn and what do I expect my dimensions to be then), and circumstantial interactions (what will I wear with it, what do I expect the other people to wear at that time, and what are wind conditions expected to be).

Men's sizing is awesome, we have a waist, a leg and an upper body. These are the three things we need to recall in order to buy clothes.

Women are mathematicians when it comes to fit, they are exact and use a multitude of factors and equations in the decision. Men are like engineers, nothing exact, round up if you have to. Let me get to the point of this post.

I need jeans. Nice jeans that can be worn to work. I don't know if I am stuck in the past or simply cheap in 2008, but $50 or so should buy a respectable pair of pants. Christa might say otherwise, so I listen and try to comprehend her sometimes.

I go to try on "quality," i.e. designer jeans. I travel to a local retail experience known as Rookwood here in Cincinnati and go to a store called Dr. Mojoe; purveyor of fine jeans. The staff was very helpful in finding me a pretty basic jean as designer jeans go; dark wash, no weird stuff like wiskering, razors, or some man's handwriting on my ass.

I headed into a dressing room with three pairs and pulled them on one leg at a time, like the common man I am. Each pair looked like jeans with maybe a fancy button or two and artistic man-stitching on the back pockets. I am still not sure why they are called designer. So I sit down in a pair to see how they would feel during a day in the cube. AH-HAH, now I know why they are called designer, they are designed for standing-use only. I can put a soup bowl in the gap between the jeans and my back/ass flesh. (I am wearing underwear, don't worry Mom.) I tried another pair and it happened again, I don't know if my ass covers more surface area when seated and thus the material is pulled down, but I don't want a drafty ass crack in the name of fashion. I conferred with the staff and the excellent gentleman said crack was hard to avoid while sitting.

My conclusion: The purpose of designer jeans is to wear them only when standing, so everyone else who cares about designer jeans can look at the artistic man-stitching on your ass and say "Wow, nice jeans. Is that your cell phone and passport in there? I'm up for an adventure."