Anti-Bucket List

Here is my list of things I don't want to do before I die.

1) Be on trial for Murder - I imagine I would be innocent but ask OJ about the stereotyping.

2) Contract an STD - Even though I would be a much livelier party guest with a coke and whores story from Bangkok, I don't think it's worth it.

3) Be mauled by any woodland creature - If it was a big woodland creature (like a bear) it would hurt. If it was a small woodland creature it would be embarrassing. I wouldn't want to wet myself and pass out every time a child came dressed as a chipmunk on Halloween.

4) Be kicked in the business by any farmland creature - If it was a big farmland creature (like a horse) it would hurt. If it was a small farmland creature like a gosling it would raise questions as to why my business was within kicking range of a gosling.

5) Be on trial for inappropriate conduct around small farmland creatures - OJ can still get dates. Good luck, being the only person on the small farmland animal sex offender website.

If I can avoid these five I will be off to a good start.